I feel a bit of queasiness. Those celebrities can go on and on about how their big box lines for Kohl’s Target and JC Penney are just as good quality blah blah. But when I turn over the Missoni from Target pump which has now ended up in the clearance aisle marked and see “Made in China”. I know we’ve been had.
At least I’m not buying that crap on ebay. The quality speaks for itself hence the clearance aisle, left in the wasteland of human goods, abandoned as tweens abandon the Bella for the Katniss.
I type this while sipping discounted plebeian Sleepy Time tea here at my Goodwill draft table in my tiny, artily shabby 600 square foot shack.
Well its a Sunday night in Palmdale and nobody’s looking. I head to the Kohl’s with my Dad. He has coupons. Dad needs to feel that I still need him and I’m willing to let him buy me garments for the masses. What the heck, I will enjoy the bonding time and I love a good coupon just as much as the next serf.
First up: some Jennifer Lopez tunic like top. Has a lovely surprising art deco like pattern on the front in a pastel color scheme. I can make this work in a pared down 80’s late disco meets nineties minimalism meets Metropolis sort of way. I grab the XL.
It could work but its very static clingy. I don’t like just how cheap the buttons look. Reminds me I’m Jenny, not from that block.
Next a sheath dress in a shade of deep blue. Could be Lauren Conrad but I don’t remember things are hazy. The color calls to me but the tightness around my midsection calls to me in an entirely different way.
My dad, an aviation engineer by day, adult daughter stylist by night, agrees. I’m disappointed. If an engineer says it doesn’t fit. It doesn’t fit.
Next up, another promising wrap dress with a proper looking pleated skirt. The color appeals to me, its light charcoal grey. It has a funky neckline that we debate. The material is kind of thin. Its my dad’s choice, but he has already lost credibility to me by suggesting a pair of khaki crop pants and a jean jacket.
I know there is something better out there. I know there is..Vera..by Vera Wang. The “for poor people” line by legendary wedding dress designer Vera Wang who by the way also now has a discounted bridal line. Her wedding dresses sell for thousands, I score this outfit for $5.00 (dress) and $12 and some change (cardigan).
Why is the dress less than the cardigan? I hypothesize it has some questionable draping going on in the front. Might not look right on every body type. But on this plus size dish body the draping works. It feels neo-futuristic, yet work appropriate with the cardigan. I can get a lot of mileage out of this poly-blend.
Dad uses his %20 off Kohl’s card and somehow I feel good for Vera. Take that Jennifer Lopez. Vera Wang just kicked your ass. Sorry Lauren Conrad and Lea Michele for Candie’s, its Vera time.